Everything happens at once

It’s that time again, springtime, well, almost. I’m tired of going through spring after spring watching everyone I know or have ever met get engaged or married. I have never been like this and am usually the one ridiculing the rash decisions. Why now? Why am I all of the sudden emotional about the whole thing? When I step out of it and look at the situation, I am reasonable and don’t feel the need for any more commitment.  But, in the moment, it’s crippling. I hate it. I hate wanting something that I apparently have no control over. What’s more is that I wish it was something that was special, something that the other person wanted.

I want to be chased and spoiled. It should be the other way. He should be convincing me, and I should not be this upset. I have a life going on, I have work to do and books to write, but for some reason my mind will not depart from these thoughts, and maybe that’s what I hate the most.

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